


Your Sense of Responsibility is Heartbreaking

by LadyStine



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Anxiety, Arranged Marriage, Break Up, Confessions, Courtship, Crying, Depression, Emotional, Emotional Hurt, Established Relationship, Feels, Fights, Forbidden Love, Heartbreak, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, Love Letters, M/M, Men Crying, Post-Fire Emblem Fates: Revelation, Queer History, Realistic, Responsibility, Royalty, Sad, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2019-05-10 05:44:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14731062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyStine/pseuds/LadyStine
Summary: After the war in Valla has been concluded, two years have passed. All the royal siblings on both sides have settled down, gotten married, and had children. Everyone except Leo and Takumi.Xander just wants to see all his siblings happily married, so he finds Leo a potential bride to court. However, Xander has no idea that Leo is gay and that he has been secretly been courting Takumi for the past two and a half years. In Nohr being gay was not a socially acceptable thing, especially for a prince.When Takumi learns of this arrangement he is heartbroken. He is further devastated when Leo does seemingly nothing to stop it.Told in Takumi’s POV





	1. The Announcement

_March 25_

_Dearest Leo,_

_I hope all is well with you and your family in Nohr._

_It’s been a while since I last received a letter from you. To be honest, it worries me a little bit. Normally you’d tell me if there was something going on in Nohr that would prevent you from writing to me. Or you’d ask Elise to write for you if you were sick. I haven’t gotten any kind of message like that from you. I doubt our mail carriers are that stupid to lose our letters, but things happen._

_I’m sure you’ll be responding me soon, telling me that I’m just being paranoid again. And that nothing would keep you from writing to me for that long. I’m sure you have your reasons for not getting back to me._

_Anyway, I hope to hear from you soon!_

_Love,  
Takumi_

Takumi looked over the letter he wrote and sighed. It was really bothering him that Leo hadn’t written him in over three weeks. This was the third letter he was sending now. Usually he got one from Leo every few days. “He probably has a good reason for not getting back to me,” Takumi reassured himself quietly. “I’m sure he’ll explain everything when I get his response.” He gently folded his letter and placed it into the envelope. He then sealed it up and wrote out Leo’s address. 

Takumi got up and left his room, holding his letter close. He headed down the hallway and made his way to the castle mailroom. Once he reached his destination, he quickly scanned through the mail that came in for the day to see if there was anything from Leo. But of course, there was nothing. Takumi frowned and sighed deeply. He was disappointed that he had to continue waiting, but what else could he do? He put his latest letter to Leo in the outbox for Nohr and left the mailroom hoping he would be getting a response soon.

* * * * * *

Two weeks went by after Takumi sent his last letter to Leo and he still hadn’t received a response. Now he was starting to get mad. “What the hell could he be doing that he can’t write me a quick message in over a month?” he grumbled to himself as he sulked down the hallway to his bedroom. Takumi slammed his door shut and sat at his desk. He pulled out a clean piece of paper and a pre-addressed envelope to Leo. He exhaled deeply began to write another letter.

_April 8_

_Dear Leo,_

_It has been over a month since I last heard from you. Is everything ok? It’s not like you to go this long without telling me a thing. I haven’t heard anything from my siblings or our retainers that there was anything serious going on in Nohr._

_Please get back to me ASAP so I know you’re ok. Seriously, you are worrying me here!_

_Love,  
Takumi_

_PS: I’m also little annoyed with you. Don’t ever do this again._

Takumi stuffed the letter into the envelope and sealed it up after reading it over. He exhaled deeply. He laid back on the floor and stared up at his ceiling. _‘Leo has to be ok, right?’_ he thought. _‘Maybe he’s traveling somewhere that mail carriers can’t get to? Maybe he forgot to send out his letter telling me that he was going somewhere for a while? Maybe…’_

His thoughts were interrupted by taps on his screen door. “Hm?” Takumi murmured as he glanced over at it.

“Lord Takumi? I brought you your mail for today,” Hinata said from outside the door. “You asked me to bring you anything that came in as soon as it did.”

Takumi instantly sat up at the word mail. “Yes, please come in!” he exclaimed eagerly. He quickly tucked away the letter addressed to Leo into his kimono sleeve before Hinata entered his room. Hinata slid the door open and walked over to his liege. He handed him his mail. 

There was only one envelope. 

Takumi quickly grabbed it and looked at who it was from. He visibly sunk when he saw it was from Hinoka. He suddenly remembered that his older sister had gone on a training trip with her husband Subaki, their daughter Caeldori, and the new pegasi recruits. She was probably updating everyone on their progress. 

Hinata noticed the sudden drop in his mood. “Is everything ok my Lord?” he asked.

“Hm?” Takumi looked up at Hinata. “Yes, everything is fine,” he reassured him. He put Hinoka’s letter on his desk.

“I’m guessing you were expecting a message from someone else huh?” Hinata sighed. “Do you want me to keep checking the mail for you?”

He nodded. “Could you? That would be really helpful.”

“Of course! Anything for my Lord Takumi!” Hinata stated proudly. “Did you need anything else?”

“No, I’m good,” Takumi responded casually. 

“Alright then. Just call for me if you need me!” Hinata offered cheerfully as he turned to leave. He walked over to the door and gently shut it after he left.

Takumi glanced over at the letter on his desk. He sighed and opened it. He skimmed it over, not really processing what it said. He sighed again and set it down on his desk again. He stood up and pulled out the letter he wrote to Leo from his sleeve. He looked down at it and frowned. 

Would Leo respond to this letter? _‘Is he even reading the ones I’ve been sending him?’_ He thought as he stared at Leo’s name and address. _‘Did I do something to make him not want to write me?’_ Takumi shook his head to clear away the bad thoughts. Leo would eventuality respond, he always had. Why would this time be any different? He left his room to put his latest message to Leo in the mailroom’s outbox for Nohr.

* * * * * *

Another week passed by and there was still nothing from Leo. Anyone could tell that Takumi was irritated just by looking at him. Hinoka noticed the change in his behavior the moment she got back from her trip. His siblings attempted asking what was wrong but got the “I’m fine” speech every time they tried. It was clear that he was not ready to share what was bothering him, so they stopped pressing him for details.

Takumi was on his way back from the archery range when he saw Ryoma talking with a royal messenger from Nohr in the courtyard. He started to run over to the them. He was eager to ask the messenger about Leo. He stopped running when he saw the messenger hand Ryoma a letter. He decided that maybe he should listen in on what they were discussing before jumping in and asking about Leo. Takumi casually made his way inside the courtyard to make it seem like he just happened to just be there. He held Fujin Yumi close and stood behind one of the nearby cherry blossom trees and listened in on what they were saying.

“So, Xander has finally convinced Leo to start courting,” Ryoma remarked, intrigued by the news.

Takumi’s heart raced at those words. He gripped Fujin Yumi tighter, with wide eyes. _‘What? Did Xander somehow find about our relationship? Is that what he’s talking about?’_ He bit his lower lip and continued to listen in.

“Yes. King Xander said you will find all the details about the courtship between Prince Leo and Lady Lilica in the letter he’s written to you,” the messenger clarified.

Takumi’s eyes widened huge and his heart sunk. He stopped hearing words after “the courtship between Prince Leo and Lady Lilica” went through his ears. Did he hear that correctly? Leo was courting a Nohrian woman? That couldn’t be right. Takumi dropped his bow to the ground and fell to his knees in shock. Leo wouldn’t do that. Especially not when they were courting each other in secret for the past two and a half years. Leo wouldn’t do that to him. Leo loved Takumi, and Takumi loved Leo. 

Takumi bit back tears that were falling from his eyes onto the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for taking an interest in my fan fiction! Before you ask, yes, it’s going to be a sad and emotional ride. I’m not giving away any spoilers, so please don’t ask how it ends. If you want to know, you’ll just have to keep reading. :3
> 
> * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 
> 
> I thought about all the fan fictions and fan arts I've read and seen of Leo and Takumi, and I don't think I've come across anywhere being gay is a huge problem. In the time-period that Fates takes place in, I'd imagine that that being gay in Nohr at least was not ok since in the Japanese version of Conquest Corrin gave Soilel a potion in one of their supports that makes her see women as men, so she won’t get distracted by how attractive they are. I believe in ancient Japanese times being gay and even being trans was socially acceptable, until the influence from the West ruined all that. So, in Hoshido being gay isn't that big of a deal.
> 
> I’m also a huge sucker for sad romance stories. There is something so passionate and romantic about two people fighting for their forbidden love. I have never written a full-length tragic love story before, so I wanted to give it shot.
> 
> I realize that this is another sad angsty LeoKumi fic, but there is a reason they are popular right?  
> I've also had this idea for a while anyway. Hope you like it!


	2. Battling Your Silence

_“Leo?” Takumi questioned cautiously as he squinted. He couldn’t quite make out the dark figure in the distance. “Is that you?” Upon getting no response, he started to approach the stranger with caution. When the man standing there turned his head slightly to acknowledge him, he instantly recognized the mop of blonde hair and the black band that adorned it. Takumi immediately started to run towards him. He opened his mouth to call out to him once more but this time no sound came out. His eyes widened in shock._

_Takumi tried screaming Leo’s name. Again, there was silence._

_This couldn’t be happening. Leo was right there in front of him and now he suddenly couldn’t speak? Was this some sort of cruel joke? Takumi had so many unanswered questions for Leo. He wanted to know why he was ignoring his letters, why he didn’t tell him about this supposed courtship, and why the two of them didn’t get the chance to figure something out._

_Leo turned completely to face him, and suddenly there was a Nohrian woman standing by his side, hugging his arm tightly. She appeared to be looking right at Takumi except that she had no face. Takumi stopped in his tracks at the sight. He tried once more to speak to Leo but was struck down by the powerful magic branches of Brynhildr._

Takumi woke up, eyes wide, panting in a cold sweat. He hugged his blanket close to him as he realized he was in his bedroom, alone. He sighed in relief. “It was just a dream…” he affirmed. He sat up and wiped the sweat off his chest and neck. He hadn’t had a nightmare like that in a long time. Takumi’s nightmares seemed to vanish over the course of his relationship with Leo. Leo had always been with him and helped him work through whatever was haunting him. 

Now he was alone, and the nightmares were back. No one was there to help him this time. Takumi frowned. “I hope this isn’t going to be a regular occurrence again,” he muttered quietly. He hugged his knees close as he sat in his bed. It was still dark outside. He wondered what time it was.

It had been a week since he overheard the news about Leo courting the Nohrian woman. Ryoma was shocked to find him in the courtyard behind a tree. He had heard him drop Fujin Yumi. Ryoma was even more surprised to find his younger brother on his knees with tears in his eyes. Takumi played off the whole thing saying that it was just allergies from the tree pollen. He was just having a bad reaction to it. Ryoma seemed to have bought his story, but he could tell that he knew that wasn’t the real reason. It wasn’t a total lie though, Takumi really did have allergies in the spring.

Takumi groaned as he recalled the whole thing. Was he going to have to fake sneeze every so often to cover up his feelings? He shook his head and got up out of bed. He went over to his window and stared out it. He figured that it was probably going to be at least another hour or two until sunrise, so he decided to just stay up. There was no point in trying to sleep for a few more hours, especially if there was a chance of having another nightmare about Leo and his “fiancée”. He cringed at that thought.

He ran his fingers through his tangled mess of silvery blonde hair and paced his room as he debated on what to do with himself until morning. Takumi had been meaning to write one last letter to Leo in hopes of getting an explanation out of him. He stopped and looked over at his desk. Now would be the perfect time to write it. No one was awake to interrupt him or hear him if he cried a little bit while writing the damned thing. 

He sighed deeply and went over to his desk. He took out a match and lit the lamps around it. The lighting wasn’t the greatest, but it was enough for him to see what he was doing. Takumi took out a fresh piece of paper and an envelope. He addressed the envelope first and marked it as urgent mail. He set it aside and looked down at the paper. With his brush in hand, he began writing to Leo.

_April 22_

_Leo,_

_Last week I learned some disturbing news about you. I overheard my brother speaking with one of your royal messengers and heard them say that you are courting some woman from Nohr. I know your messenger has no reason to lie to my brother, but I’m still having a hard time believing that this is true._

_We’ve been together now for two and a half years and I can’t imagine you would allow something like this to happen. Especially not without telling me first! I can only guess that this is the reason you’re not writing to me._

_I don’t know if this woman has been keeping you from writing to me or not… But if you are reading any of the letters I’m sending to you, PLEASE respond to this one! I need to hear it from you! Just tell me what’s going on! I can only hope that you’re doing this as an act until we can figure out how to be together... Please Leo. I need you to respond to this!_

_I just want you to know that no matter what happens, I love you more than anything!_

_Love,  
Takumi _

Takumi felt himself choking up as he finished signing his name onto the letter. He couldn’t believe he was even writing this. But he knew he had to. He needed to hear it from Leo. After reading it over, he gently folded the letter into the envelope. He blew out the candles, and just sat there in the dark for a while.

When morning came, Takumi slowly got himself ready for the day. He stared at his disgruntled reflection as he brushed through his hair and tied it up in its usual ponytail. He threw on some casual robes and grabbed the letter off his desk. On his way down to the mailroom he ended up passing by Sakura. 

“Big brother?” she called out to him.

Takumi stopped, but didn’t turn to face her. He wasn’t expecting to run into anyone at this hour, especially one of his siblings. “What?” he said flatly.

“I-is everything alright? You haven’t been yourself for almost two months. E-everyone is-,” Sakura stuttered.

Takumi cut her off, “I’m fine Sakura.” 

“But-,” she stammered.

“Really, I’m ok,” he reassured her. Takumi turned around and looked at her. He did his best to give her a fake smile. “It’s not like you to be up this early. Where are you headed?”

“Don’t try to change the subject on me Takumi. I-I know something is bothering you,” Sakura challenged him. Her brows were furrowed. “You know you can always come talk to me, Hinoka, or Ryoma whenever you’re feeling troubled.”

Takumi was taken back by her bluntness. _‘She must be taking after her husband, Saizo.’_ He frowned a bit. “I’m well aware of the fact that you guys are here for me. And believe me, I appreciate it,” he acknowledged. “It’s just that there is just nothing for me to tell you.”

She hesitated for a second and then pried further, “Then why have you been constantly checking the mail?”

“No reason…” Takumi replied uneasily.

“Then why do you have a letter in your hand?” She asked, concerned. Her eyes saddened as she looked directly into his. “Takumi please?” she pleaded. “Tell me what’s wrong…”

Takumi took a deep breath. He couldn’t lie to her when she was looking at him like that. “Look, I can’t tell you ok?” he confessed. “It’s very complicated. Please just let me sort through this by myself.”

Sakura was silent for a moment, contemplating his request. “Fine,” she reluctantly agreed. “But if I see that your health starts to get affected by whatever’s going on, I-I will intervene.” 

Takumi groaned not entirely accepting her terms, “That’s fair, I guess... But I don’t want to catch your husband spying on me. Got it?” he stated roughly. Takumi turned around and left her standing in the middle of the hallway. He went straight to the mailroom before anyone else questioned him. He quickly put his letter in the outbox for Nohr and left the room.

* * * * * *

Another infuriating week went by with no response from Leo. By this point, two months have passed since Takumi last heard from him. Feeling extremely irritated by this, Takumi found himself at the archery range whenever he had some spare time to blow off some steam. Today was one of those days.

After setting up a row of fresh targets, Takumi held Fujin Yumi in position. The bow gleamed its familiar blue glow and formed the blue bow string and arrow. He aimed the arrow at the center of the target. “That pompous jerk!” he yelled as he fired his Fujin Yumi. The arrow hit the center of the target. Takumi walked over to the next one. He formed another arrow. “Two months go by, and not a single word!” he raged. Takumi shot the arrow, and it hit the center of the target again. “How hard is it to write me a quick letter?!” he spat angrily as he walked over to the third target. “Especially if he decides he wants to suddenly be with some woman!” 

The thought of Leo and the Nohrian woman boiled his blood. The next arrow he created was much larger than the previous ones. He quickly released it at the target. The arrow flew across the range and shattered the wooden target he was aiming at. Takumi panted a bit; his hands shook in with anger. He stomped over to the fourth target. “Just who the hell does he think he is anyway?!” he scoffed as he charged another arrow. “Here I am waiting around like an idiot for him to write back to me.” He shot it and it missed the center slightly. “And he’s probably off gallivanting with her!”

Takumi sulked over to the fifth target. He drew back another arrow. “Do the past two and a half years mean nothing to him?!” he asked himself as his voice cracked. Takumi didn’t want to believe there was even a possibility of that being true. Tears started to well up in his eyes. He bit back a sob, and fired the arrow, not really caring if he hit the target or not. He stared blankly at where it landed, and he saw that it hit very edge of the wood. 

“After all we’ve been through, he can’t even tell me what’s going on?!” Takumi choked out. He sniffled as wiped his eyes on his sleeve. Tears went down his cheeks as cocked back another arrow. He blindly shot it, missing the target completely. The arrow landed on the wooden paneling behind the targets. “Does he honestly expect me to be ok with all this?” he whined, shaking. “Or that I wouldn’t want to know that it’s over!” 

Was it over between him and Leo? Was he really going to choose this woman over him? But then again, Takumi didn’t know for sure if Leo was seeing her. He only overheard that he was.

“Since he’s not responding to any of my letters, I’ll just go see him then!” he sniveled. Takumi charged one last arrow, the glowing blue string on Fujin Yumi started to fade. He was losing his focus. “He probably won’t want to see me… But I don’t care!” He fired it and it landed the ground in front of the targets. The string on Fujin Yumi disappeared. “I need to know if he’s seeing that woman!” Takumi dropped Fujin Yumi and covered his face. He fell to his knees and started to cry in frustration, “I need to know!” 

Takumi sat on the ground and cried into his hands. He sobbed as tears dampened his gloves. He wasn’t going to take anymore of Leo’s silent treatment. He didn’t deserve this. He was going to get the bottom of this and learn what was going on! 

Takumi wiped his eyes and stared blankly at his bow laying in the grass. He stayed that way for a while as he calmed down. Once he was composed, he got up. Takumi slowly walked over to the targets and grabbed the wooden pieces of the one he broke. After disposing the shattered wood, he put a fresh target up in its place. He picked up Fujin Yumi and brushed off the grass and dirt that got stuck to it. He looked towards the exit and decided that it was time to head back. On his way to the castle Takumi passed by the stables that housed the pegasi and the kinshi. This gave him an idea. 

_‘Maybe I really should go see Leo.’_

Takumi was just venting to himself before, but the more he thought about it the more it seemed like a good idea. How else was he going to learn the truth? He decided that he was going to sneak out one night on his kinshi and make the trip to Nohr alone to confront Leo. After all, Leo owed Takumi explanation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for continued interest in my fan fiction! Before you ask, yes, it’s going to continue to be a sad and emotional ride. I’m not giving away any spoilers, so please don’t ask how it ends. If you want to know, you’ll just have to keep reading. :3
> 
> * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 
> 
> I will be using the pairings I made in game from Birthright and Conquest since I know how those turn out. (Well except for Leo and Takumi. I married Takumi and am working on my S support with Leo. I did that because I couldn’t have them be together and they so cute.) Also, please note that I haven’t played Revelations yet, so the pairings will be Nohr to Nohr and Hoshido to Hoshido for the most part. Maybe for future stories when I get to that game I will change up the pairings a bit.
> 
> Anywho, I enjoyed empowering Sakura in this chapter to take action on her brother if he does anything reckless. I also tried not to end the second chapter with Takumi crying again. 
> 
> I’m so sorry for this Takumi!!


	3. Traveling Through Storms

Takumi had to wait about a week until an opportune moment presented itself. Ryoma was away in Mokushu on official business, which meant that Saizo and Kagero were with him. Hinoka was exhausted from taking care of things while Ryoma was gone, so there was no way she would be up late. And Sakura had recently caught a cold, so she probably went to bed early. Takumi never got this lucky when it came to things. 

Tonight, was the perfect night for this. 

Tonight, he was going to fly to Nohr and get all the answers he needed out of Leo. 

Takumi peeked out of his room to make sure that none of the maids were walking around. Once he saw that the hall was clear, he went back inside and picked up Fujin Yumi. He was already dressed in full battle armor. He also grabbed the spare key to the royal stables he stole several days ago. Thankfully no one noticed it was missing. He wondered if that was good thing or not. Maybe later he would point it out to Ryoma that they needed to up security on things like that, but for tonight it worked in his favor.

_‘This will probably be the last time my room goes unguarded if I mess this up._ ’ Takumi thought as he crept out of his room. He silently slid the door shut and went down the hall. After making sure that he wasn’t being followed, he began to carefully make his way outside. He knew exactly who was going to be on guard tonight and where since he studied the security detail for the week. This made it easier to sneak around unnoticed and get to the stables. 

It only took him about 10 minutes to make it passed the guards indoors. The next challenge would be getting to the stables unseen. Takumi knew that Asugi was assigned to watch the stables tonight and that Saizo’s son really didn’t care for this work. He figured it shouldn’t be that difficult to sneak by his nephew, even if he was a master ninja. He just needed to be extra stealthy.

As he moved closer to the stables, he noticed that Asugi had fallen asleep on the job. He was laying on the wooden roof, sprawled out. From what he could see, it appeared that he was in a deep sleep. Takumi couldn’t believe his luck tonight. He wasted no time taking advantage of this opportunity and darted right to wooden building that Asugi was napping on.

Once Takumi made to the outside of the kinshi stables, he unlocked the stable doors. He then slowly slid them open, so the sounds or vibrations wouldn’t wake his nephew. Some of the kinshi inside stirred as he entered. He froze for a moment, worried that they would start making noise. Sensing that the person inside was Takumi, they went back to sleep. He sighed in relief, feeling confident that he was going to pull this off without getting caught. He went over to his kinshi and pet her gently. She opened her eyes, jumped a bit at being touched. 

Takumi’s hand flinched at her jumpy behavior. “Shhh…. It’s ok. It’s just me,” he whispered quietly, slightly startled as well. He continued to pet her. “I’m sorry to wake you at this hour Akane, but we need to go on an important trip.” Her master’s voice soothed her, and Akane rubbed her head against his hand. He smiled at this. He put her armor and saddle on and grabbed a small bag of food for her. After getting her ready, he grabbed her reins and gently guided her out of the stables. He quietly closed the doors and locked them up. Then he tucked away the key he stole into his boot. 

Takumi scanned the area one last time to make sure no one was watching him. He also peeked up at his sleeping nephew to make sure he was out. Once he was completely sure that no one was watching him, he climbed aboard Akane and took off into the night.

* * * * * * *

Once Castle Shirasagi was far behind him, it started to sink in that he was really doing this. Takumi had been warned in the past how dangerous it was to travel alone; especially for royals. The risk was even greater at night. The weather could suddenly change, he could get sick, he could run into people who were still harboring hate for Hoshidans... Numerous things could go wrong and render him helpless in the dark.

However, Hoshido and Nohr were no longer at war with each other. No one would be foolish enough to do anything to harm the Hoshidan prince, and Takumi knew how to fly through all kinds of weather. Plus, he was armed with Fujin Yumi if he run into trouble. The risk was worth it if it meant learning what was going on with Leo.

Takumi kept his eyes focused on the sky ahead of him. He was thankful that tonight was a clear night, which meant the trip to Nohr would only be a few hours if he flew fast. He tightened his grip on Akane’s reins and gained speed as they headed towards the Plains of Hoshido. He figured they’d reach the border in about an hour or so. While he was navigating his way through the skies, his mind started to wander. Dark thoughts about Leo plagued him. He imagined how the conversation between the two of them might go. 

_“Of course, I’m courting Lady Lilica! She can offer me more than you ever could. Can you bear a child?” Leo mocked him. “Last time I checked, you couldn’t.”_

_“I thought that didn’t matter to you!” Takumi cried out as his eyes saddened. “Besides we can always adopt if you really want children. That can’t be the only reason you’re doing this!”_

_“It’s a prince’s responsibility to continue his bloodline Takumi. Or have your forgotten that?” Leo scoffed at him, crossed his arms. “When you’re part of a royal family, you have to do what is required of you! You better wake up and find yourself a wife, or you’ll end up alone.”_

Takumi shook his head, chasing that scenario out of his mind. Leo wouldn’t be doing this just for the sake of having an heir. He never expressed any desire to have children anyway. Besides, he wasn’t the king, so he was not technically required to have any children. Plus, Xander already had an heir, so that responsibility was off his shoulders. 

Takumi sighed. _‘There has to be a more serious reason for why he’s doing this… I should probably think about what I’m going to say to him before I get there.’_ He imagined a few more scenarios as he crossed over the Plains of Hoshido, but they all turned out badly.

* * * * * * *

He was now flying above the Bottomless Canyon and into Nohrian territory. As he passed over it, Takumi remembered how he and Leo had originally hated one another when they first met and then how they slowly became best friends because they had so much in common. He also remembered how overtime their friendship transformed into something more.

Ever since Takumi fell in love with Leo, his life was better. 

Leo brought out the best in him. He helped him overcome his nightmares. He fought by his side as both Hoshido and Nohr took down the greatest threat to their people. Leo was also there beside him when peace and friendship blossomed between the two nations after the war was over.

Takumi smiled sadly. “Who would have thought that he and I would have fallen in love,” he laughed pitifully. “If someone told me that when I first met him, I probably would have smacked them upside their head and told them they were crazy.” As he reminisced over the beginnings of his romantic relationship with Leo he suddenly remembered a very important conversation they had:

_“Leo?” Takumi called gently trying to get his attention._

_“Hmm?” Leo murmured looking up from the book he was reading._

_“You know, I never thought I could feel this happy,” he admitted shyly as his face turned pink. “I never thought I would fall in love… Especially with someone as amazing as you.”_

_Leo’s cheeks flushed at that. Takumi could tell from the expression on his boyfriend’s face that he wasn’t expecting him to outright say that. But he was glad that he did, it wasn’t a lie. “I know what you mean. I feel the same way,” Leo confessed with a smile._

_“Once this war is over, we can finally be together all the time,” Takumi beamed._

_Leo’s smile faded. He closed the book he was reading and set it down. He looked at Takumi with sad eyes and a serious face. He sighed deeply as Takumi’s brows furrowed at him. “We may not be able to do that Takumi…” he spoke grimly._

_“Why not?” Takumi protested. “Is there someone else?”_

_“No! There isn’t! It’s just-,” Leo cut himself off. He had a pained expression. “It’s just that in Nohr, being a homosexual is not a socially acceptable thing.”_

_“Oh…” Takumi blurted out, understanding what he was getting at. He looked down. “Well now that you mention it, I’m not sure how Hoshido would react to us being together either. But, I can’t imagine it would be a big deal. In Hoshido we have this practice amongst men where it isn’t uncommon for older men to have same sex relationships with younger men until they marry a woman. This happens a lot with monks and military men. Though the monks don’t get married… Anyway, it’s called wakashudo.”_

_“Interesting… Is it a common occurrence with royals? And what happens if the two men want to stay together?” Leo inquired._

_“I’m not sure. But I’ve heard of previous kings having both male and female concubines after they were married, and no one seemed to mind. Society just cared that there were kids to carry out the family name. Besides, neither of us are the crown princes, so we don’t need to have kids.” Takumi explained. He looked back up at Leo. “And we are just two people in love. There is nothing wrong with that!”_

_“I know our love’s not a bad thing.” Leo assured him. “But my country at least may feel otherwise… So, if we are found out, it could be really bad for the both of us.”_

_“Do you really think our brothers would allow something bad to happen to us just because we’re homosexuals?” Takumi asked grimly._

_“I don’t know. It’s just something to think about,” Leo cautioned sadly. “We don’t have to worry about it now of course with the war going on and all. But when it’s over, it could become a problem. That’s all I’m saying.”_

Takumi had forgotten all about that conversation. _‘Is that why he’s courting this woman?’_ he wondered to himself. The more he thought about it the more It made sense since Leo was very keen on keeping their relationship a secret from everyone. In the early stages of their relationship Takumi mentioned that maybe they should at least tell their siblings about them. But Leo always said no. Eventually Takumi stopped suggesting it, and keeping the secrecy became normal. It was just something they did out of necessity to remain together and neither of them thought much of it. Even though it sucked that no one could ever know about them, they were able to remain together and that was worth it.

Takumi sighed. He should have known that their decision not to tell their siblings about their relationship was going to blow up in their faces. He shouldn’t have been this surprised about their situation, yet he couldn’t help feeling angry and shaken up by it. Leo had decided the course of their relationship without even consulting him about it or mentioning that he had to do this, and that they could discuss it later. How could Leo do this? Who the hell was he to determine things for the both of them? 

He was thrown from his thoughts as he felt raindrops hit him in the face. His eyes widened as he realized it was starting to rain. “Ugh! Really?!” he grumbled to himself as he motioned for Akane to pick up the pace. 

So much for being lucky.

Takumi quickly checked his surroundings to see how far he was from Castle Krakenburg. From what he could see, he guessed he had about another hour to go before reaching the castle. He frowned knowing that he would be arriving there completely drenched. But whatever, he couldn’t control the weather. 

The rain started to pick up the closer they got to the Nohrian castle. Takumi wasn’t too worried about it since during the war, he’d flown in torrential downpour. Compared to that, this rainstorm was nothing. “We can do this! We’re almost there,” he reassured Akane as they fought their way through the rain. As she flew faster, Takumi had to duck down from the rain pelting him in the face.

Every so often, Takumi peeked up from shielding his face to make sure that he was flying the correct course. He was relieved when he saw Castle Krakenburg in the distance. He knew he would be there within the next 5 to 10 minutes. It was then that he saw a flash of lightning go across the sky. His eyes widened huge. “Ugh! Are you kidding me?! I was so close!” he yelled angrily at the sky. He knew they had to find shelter somewhere. 

Takumi huffed in annoyance as he swiftly guided Akane down into a nearby forest. The brush of the trees provided some protection from the rain, and now that they were on the ground, they were much less likely to be struck by lightning. The two rested for a bit while Takumi gave Akane some of the food rations he’d brought. While she ate, he mentally figured out a route for them to take on foot to the castle. Once she finished eating and Takumi was sure he knew where to go, he took a deep breath and climbed back on top of Akane. He grabbed her reins and began to ride to Castle Krakenburg.

* * * * * * *

About two hours later, the two of them _finally_ made it to the castle. Well to the city of Windmire that lead directly to the castle. Takumi and Akane were both drenched, cold, and exhausted, but they were here.

He was _finally_ going to get to the bottom of this. 

Takumi snuck through the back streets capital city following a path that Leo had shown him when the war ended. He didn’t want anyone to know he was here tonight. He held his bow close just in case he ran into trouble. The path lead to a secret royal passageway that would take him directly inside Castle Krakenburg. 

After navigating through the passageway, Takumi found himself close to the royal Nohrian horse stables within Castle Krakenburg. This would be a perfect place for Akane to rest while he spoke with Leo. He dismounted and quietly guided her over to the stables. When they were directly outside the doors, Takumi noticed Leo and Elise’s horses sleeping inside. He ached a little bit at the sight of Leo’s horse. He was about to try and open the stable doors when a voice called out to him from behind, “We aren’t going to just leave the doors to the royal stables unlocked you know. Nor are we going to leave them unguarded. You should know better Prince Takumi.”

Takumi flinched, startled by the sudden voice. Looks like he had been caught after all. He recognized the voice and turned around to face its owner. He stammered, “Niles… I-.” 

“What are you doing sneaking around here in the middle of the night armed and in full armor?” Niles interrogated him. He crossed his arms as he took a good look at Takumi. “Did you fly here alone from Hoshido? That’s a pretty bold move, especially for someone like you.”

Takumi sighed. There was no point in trying to lie to Niles. He already saw him sneaking in. “Yes, I came here alone,” he confessed as he hung his head. He tried to plead with him, “Please don’t tell anyone!”

Niles could tell that he was desperate to keep this secret. He smirked. “Then tell me why you’re here,” he requested playfully. “Do so, and I may pretend I didn’t see you tonight.”

“I came to see Leo ok? I’m mad at him for not responding to any of my letters for the past two months, and I’m mad at him for not telling me about his courtship,” Takumi admitted. He took a deep breath before continuing. He still had to hide his relationship from Niles. As far as everyone in Nohr and Hoshido were concerned, he and Leo were best friends. “He’s my best friend, and just because he’s seeing some woman doesn’t mean he can ignore me!”

Niles’ eye widened a bit, and then he grinned in amusement. He snorted, “You flew out in a storm to yell at Lord Leo for ignoring you?” 

“I didn’t mean to fly in a storm! It was clear when I left!” Takumi sulked as he frowned at him. “Look, since you already know I’m here, can you just tell me where he is?”

“He’s probably in the library. He’s been staying up late lately, researching who knows what,” Niles informed him. He shook his head and sighed. “Since this is clearly important to you, and you are Lord Leo’s best friend, I’ll let this slide. I’ll put your kinshi in the stables and guard your bow for you. You can go inside and talk with him.”

Takumi wasn’t expecting Niles to be so reasonable, but he wasn’t about to question it either. He didn’t have the time to. He came here to speak with Leo. “Thank you, Niles,” he stated gratefully. Takumi handed Niles Akane’s reins and Fujin Yumi and quickly made his way inside the castle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading my fan fiction up to this point! Before you ask, yes, it’s going to continue to be a sad and emotional ride. I’m not giving away any spoilers, so please don’t ask how it ends. If you want to know, you’ll just have to keep reading. :3
> 
> * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 
> 
> I haven’t played through Revelations yet, so I apologize again if some of my details of the war in Valla are a little off. I’ve read and seen plenty of spoilers about this game though, so I did my best to keep it accurate without ruining anything else for myself. (I completed Birthright and am currently working on Conquest. I’m almost done with that game. Trying to get all those supports up and inherit more skills before I continue to the next part.)  
>  
> 
> For this chapter I wanted to make sure my facts were correct on how homosexuality was handled in ancient European and Japanese society. From what I researched it appeared that Japan didn’t mind that people were gay or even trans until the western world pushed its ideals and morals into their culture in the 1800s. A few years back I attended an interesting panel that discussed this further. I wish I took better notes at the time…
> 
>  
> 
> Here are two links that explain ancient Japan’s views on homosexuality:  
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexuality_in_Japan (Yes, I know it’s Wikipedia…)  
> https://www.tofugu.com/japan/gay-samurai/ (this one is long but it’s fascinating!) 
> 
>  
> 
> See the next chapter’s authors notes for information on how ancient Europe handled it!


	4. Heartbreak

Takumi’s wet footprints left marks on carpeted floors as he navigated through the halls that lead to the Nohrian Library. Niles said Leo would probably be there, so that’s where he was headed. His clothes and hair were soaked from the rain and he had water in his shoes. But he didn’t care. He was focused on finding Leo. Takumi’s heart pounded loudly in his chest as he turned the next corner. He was nervous to have this conversation, especially since it could mean the end of their relationship. 

Was he ready to do this?

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard two voices coming from around the next corner. “You don’t have to do this you know…” grumbled an all too familiar voice, “I’m more than capable of walking back to my room myself.” Takumi gasped and froze up. He wasn’t expecting to run into Leo in the middle of the hallway. Now what was he going to do?

“I know,” a young woman replied curtly. Takumi didn’t recognize her voice. He wondered if she was a maid. “But I don’t trust you to stay there. I told you before that I would personally escort you to your room to make sure you go to bed. And that’s what I’m doing. You aren’t going to persuade me to do otherwise!” Takumi wondered who she was and why was she being so casual with Leo. 

Before he could ponder on it any longer, Leo turned the corner with the young woman. Takumi didn’t recognize her, but he could tell by just looking at her that she was _definitely not_ a maid. She was shorter than Leo was; her head came right up to his ears. She had a slim build and delicate features. Her eyes were bright green and her skin was fair with no signs of any blemishes. She had long wavy lilac hair that was tied in a low ponytail with a large white ribbon. Her bangs were side swept to the right and she had small pieces of hair that came down past her chin and curled slightly at the ends to frame her round face. She had on a modest white nightgown that had sheer long sleeves and a high frilly collar with buttons. And she wasn’t wearing any shoes. Leo on the other hand was still in his day clothes and looked like he was exhausted. The woman had her right arm linked with Leo’s left and she was looking up at him. She was way too close to Leo for Takumi’s comfort. The sight enraged him. Who the hell was this woman?! And why was she touching him?! Then it dawned on him that this could be her. This could be the woman Leo was supposedly courting! 

Leo’s eyes widened huge when he saw Takumi standing there soaked in the hallway. He stopped short and had a horrified look on his face. The woman was startled as well. She gasped and hugged Leo’s arm. Takumi felt his heart sink in his chest. He unconsciously glowered at her for touching him that way. Seeing her hanging to Leo like that was enough for him to know that it was true. This was the woman he had heard about and Leo was really courting her. Why else would she be holding onto his arm like that? “I see the rumors are true then,” Takumi commented bitterly before he could stop himself.

The woman flinched back at his harsh remark and clung to Leo tighter. “Leo is that who I think it is?” she asked quietly. “What’s he doing here alone and unannounced? And why is he drenched and in full armor?”

“T-Takumi?” Leo choked out, ignoring her questions. He seemed to be at a loss for words. “W-What are you doing here? Did you fly out in this storm alone?”

“Are you serious? Do you _honestly_ not know why I’m here?!” Takumi snapped furiously at him. “If you read _any_ of my letters you’d know why!” He crossed his arms. “But I can see you clearly have more important matters to attend to then reading your mail.”

Leo opened his mouth to respond to his remarks, but the woman chimed in before any words came out. The fearful look she had from before was gone and was now replaced with an angered one. “Look, I know you’re a prince, and I know you’re Leo’s best friend… but to come unannounced in the middle of the night, in full battle armor, and to start yelling at him,” she scolded, appalled by his lack of respect. “It’s rude and entirely unheard of! Are you _trying_ to cause trouble? Is this really how Hoshidan royalty does things?” 

Takumi was _so_ not in the mood for this. Who the hell did she think she was? He did not fly all those hours in the rain to have some woman cling to the man he loved and then have her preach to him about his behavior. Before he could yell at her Leo cut in, “Lilica, it’s ok! He’s not here to cause any trouble and I promise you he’s normally not like this. Besides…” He glanced up at Takumi unable to make eye contact with him. “He has a right to be upset with me.” 

“Why? What did you do?” Lilica asked, shocked to hear that this was Leo’s fault. It didn’t surprise Takumi that Leo didn’t tell her that he had failed to share any news of their courtship with him. If he couldn’t be bothered to tell Takumi about it, why would he tell her that he wasn’t spreading the _“joyous”_ news. He wondered if Leo was going to admit to it now.

“I-It’s complicated…” Leo stuttered. “And it’s nothing you need to worry yourself with.”

Lilica frowned at that, unsatisfied with his explanation. “Is this why you’ve been staying up so late? Is that what all those burnt papers were about? You said you were working on a new spell! What were you really-?”

“I said this matter doesn’t concern you!” Leo stated firmly. He closed his eyes and pinched his nose in frustration. He exhaled deeply. “Lilica can you please leave us be? I need to speak with Takumi, alone.”

“But!” she protested.

“Please!” Leo pleaded, looking at her. His voice sounded like it was about to crack. “ _Please_ just go to bed and let me handle this.”

Lilica groaned, “Fine… I’ll go.” She walked over to Leo and kissed him gently. Takumi had to use all his will power to stop himself from going over there and ripping her off Leo. He squeezed his fists into his folded arms and crossed them tighter. He was glad that he left Fujin Yumi with Niles, otherwise it would be flaring up due to his anger and he would be very tempted to use it. She pulled back from the kiss. “Just don’t be too long, it’s late.” Lilica looked back at Takumi and saw he was glaring at her. She frowned and headed down the hall leaving them to speak.

An awkward moment of silence passed after she left. 

“So…” Takumi glanced over at Leo. “That’s her then… Your _fiancée_?”

Leo looked back at him with sad eyes. He sighed. “We aren’t engaged Takumi… She’s just someone Xander found for me to court.”

“Oh gee... Is that supposed to make me feel better?” he scoffed sarcastically. “Am I supposed to be glad to see some woman, that Xander found for you, _kissing you_ and _touching you_?!”

“Keep it down!” Leo panicked as he held his hands up to silence him. His eyes darted nervously at the surrounding rooms. “Someone might hear you!”

“I don’t care!” Takumi snapped back hardly believing what he was hearing.

“Well I do! The hallway is not the place for this discussion.” Leo groaned in frustration, “Ugh… Follow me.” He turned in the opposite direction Lilica went. “We will continue this in my private study in the library.” Without another word he started to head there. Takumi sulked, realizing that Leo was right. It was no one else’s business what they were going to say. He followed Leo down the hall, leaving a puddle of water where he was standing. His wet hair and clothes stuck uncomfortably to his body weighing down each of his steps. His shoes squeaked as the water inside them squished between his toes as he stayed close behind. 

As they were walking, he realized that was the first time the two of them were headed to the library together in an angry silence. In the past the princes would sneak there, excited to pour over knowledge together or to fool around in privacy. After seeing Leo with Lilica, he knew those days were over for them. He was dreading the conversation that was about to happen.

When they reached the library, Leo opened the doors and motioned for Takumi to go inside. He obeyed, and Leo followed him, shutting the doors and locking them. Once inside the library, Leo used his magic to turn on a small wall lantern. He picked it up and motioned for Takumi to follow him again. The princes made their way to the deepest part of the library where no one would be able hear them, even if they yelled. Leo stopped once they reached his private study. He used his magic to light up the room and placed the lantern down on his desk. He sighed and faced Takumi. “Before you say anything, I just want you to know that I’m sorry.”

Takumi crossed his arms. “You have _got_ to be kidding me!” he scoffed in disbelief. “Two months go by, without a single word! And now you’re courting this Lilica woman and all you have to say to me is _‘I’m sorry’_?!” He tsked in frustration, “Ugh! _Really?!_ Are you kidding?!” 

“Then what do you want me say?” Leo asked with a frown.

“What do I want you to say?!” he repeated back, enraged. “I want you to say that this isn’t actually happening! What about _us_ Leo?!” Leo opened his mouth to speak but then closed it, looking torn about how to answer his question. “Do the past two and a half years mean nothing to you?” His voice cracked, “Do you even love me anymore?!”

“Of course, I still love you!” Leo exclaimed, hurt that he even suggested that.

“Then what the hell?!” Takumi started to choke up, “If you still love me, why did you agree to court Lilica?! You could have said no!”

“Takumi it’s not that simple! I had no choice!” Leo pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “Do you remember the conversation I had with you about how in Nohr it’s socially unacceptable for people to be homosexual?”

Takumi nodded. “Yes, and I told you that I didn’t think that our brothers would allow anything bad to happen to us because of that...”

“And then I told you that we didn’t know that for sure! It’s not fair to put our brothers in a situation like that,” Leo reminded him. “You asked me before why I went along with this…” He began to explain while trying to remain calm, “Well, I agreed to court Lilica for several reasons. One was because it is my responsibility as a Nohrian prince to get married to a woman and have children. Two, was because it’s not normal for a prince my age to be unmarried. I pushed it off for as long as I could, but if I kept refusing suitors… Xander would have eventually found out about us.”

“But Leo you-.” 

“Let me finish Takumi!” He cut him off. Takumi frowned but allowed him to go on. Leo took a deep breath and continued his explanation, “Now if I was allowed to marry you, I would have asked you for your hand once the war was over… But as you know, homosexuality is socially unacceptable here in Nohr, so marriage isn’t an option for us. This brings me to my final reason.” Leo started to fidget uneasily and looked down at the ground. Takumi continued to listen even though he did not like what he was hearing. “Since homosexuality is socially unacceptable, it is seen as something that is vile, immoral, and unnatural. Xander would be expected to punish me if I chose to tell him about us to uphold the honor of the Nohrian way. I didn’t want to put my brother through the pain of punishing me for being a homosexual! I also didn’t want to put him through the political nightmare that would follow! I know I told you about how I could be disowned, banished, or executed for being with you.” Leo paused for a moment and closed his eyes. He took a deep shaky breath. “I know I also warned you about how my people would treat you if all this came to pass.” He glanced over at the other prince. His eyes were sad. “They would accuse you of corrupting me and they would hate you for causing my banishment or death. If you somehow survived our initial coming out and were allowed to return to Nohr, my people might try to assassinate you upon your arrival. Hostilities between Hoshido and Nohr would return and a new war could start up because of us!” He started to choke up, “I wish I could be with you! There is nothing I want more in this world! But… unfortunately, we can’t stay together… I’m sorry.”

Takumi pursed his lips together and took a deep frustrated breath through his nose. “Yes, I remember you telling me about all this. I didn’t like it then, I don’t like it now!” He recalled having a similar conversation with Leo shortly after the war was over. After working all day on specific details from their peace treaty, Leo had pulled him aside and explained all the risks that came with being romantically involved just as he had now. “I do understand the risks. That’s why I agreed to keep everything a secret.”

Leo frowned at him. “Then why are you acting like you forgot everything I told you? If you remembered everything, I warned you about, this shouldn’t be such a surprise to you!”

“I didn’t forget… It’s just that hiding everything from everyone became second nature for me, so the reasoning as to why I was doing it wasn’t something I was constantly thinking about. Plus, we’ve all been so wrapped up in doing our jobs that what is or isn’t socially acceptable in Nohr was not a top priority.” Takumi explained. His voice was sad, “Besides, when we were together, I didn’t want to focus on all the reasons why we couldn’t be. I wanted to enjoy your company and be with you like any other person is when their around their beloved. When I first heard about your courtship with Lilica, I was in such a state of shock, anger, and disbelief that the obvious reasoning as to why you were doing this didn’t occur to me until I was about halfway to Nohr. I was more focused on learning about whether or not what I had heard was true since you failed to tell me about it!” Takumi closed his eyes and clenched his fists. His voice cracked, “Call it irresponsible if you will, but that’s what happened. Okay?! I still kept everything secret. No one found out about us. I did as you asked me to!” He took a breath and looked up at Leo. “However, things have changed now, and we can’t keep our relationship a secret anymore if we want to be together.”

“Takumi, you just said that you understood. Why are you-?”

“No!” Takumi abruptly cut him off. “Now it’s your turn to let me finish Leo!” Leo crossed his arms and sighed. He didn’t protest any further. He gave him the floor to speak. “As I was saying,” Takumi continued, “We had to keep our relationship a secret up until this point if we wanted to remain together for the reasons you just said. And up until this whole courtship mess happened, I was ok with it. Even though it pained me that I could never share this part of my life with my family or friends, I was ok with it because I still got to be with you! But now, now we can’t keep our relationship a secret anymore if we want to be together. We have to take the risk and tell Xander about us. Otherwise that’s it for us. Is that what you want?!”

“It doesn’t matter what I want!” Leo stated firmly. “If we told Xander about us he’d have to grant us a special pardon. And he can’t go out giving special pardons to people for doing things that are deemed abominable in the eyes of his country. Even if they are family… As king of Nohr, my brother has laws and rules to uphold. If he did that for us, he would be putting himself at risk for a massive political scandal. Being a king doesn’t protect you from everything or mean that you can do whatever you want without any consequences. Just look at what happened to my father! His own children betrayed him and killed him!”

Takumi sighed. He tried his best to remain calm and rational. “I understand your concerns Leo. I really do. But times are different now. Our alliance is strong and the people of Nohr have grown to be more understanding to changes. Your brother said it himself that he wanted Nohr to be a place of friendship and understanding. So, do you honestly think that Xander would willingly disown you or execute you for wanting to be with me?! He loves you and he wants you to be happy! I’m positive he would do whatever it took to ensure none of that happened.”

“That’s not the problem Takumi! I know Xander would most likely be ok with us being together. It’s all the other factors that come with it that are the issue!” Leo took a deep breath before continuing with his rational. “Let’s just say we did tell him and that he was ok with it. If that happened, my brother would have to appeal to the royal court and meet with them to cover up the fact that this was an obvious favor for the both of us. The courts would definitely not approve of it because they, like all Nohrians, view homosexuality as something abominable. In order to override the court’s decision, Xander would have to grant us a special pardon. Now if he granted us this, it would put all three of us at risk for assassination and our names would be forever tarnished. My people would look at our pardon as something immoral and purely being done out of favoritism. Like I said before, being a king doesn’t protect you from everything or mean that you can do whatever you want without any consequences. When a king tries to enforce changes that are too radical, he will usually pay the price one way or another. Even if the radical changes are for the greater good. I know we’ve made progress in opening people’s minds to new things, but I know the Nohrian people aren’t ready to openly accept homosexuality. Not to mention the political nightmare we’d have on our hands for me suddenly ending my courtship with Lilica to be with you. Have you ever heard of a royal cutting off an arranged courtship?”

“No, I haven’t…” Takumi admitted. “But we wouldn’t have that extra political nightmare to worry about if you hadn’t agreed to court Lilica in the first place!” he pointed out spitefully. “If you told me that Xander had arranged another suitor for you we could have talked about it and figured something out!”

“I know, I was wrong not to talk with you about it first…” Leo agreed. “But I can’t go back and change it now. Like it or not this is the situation! I have no other choice. I have to do this Takumi!”

“So that’s it then?” Takumi’s brows furrowed as he continued to question Leo. He crossed his arms tightly. “You’re just going to give up on us because you’re afraid of what could happen?”

“I’m not giving up! I’m being realistic!” Leo declared. “Can’t you see I’m doing this for us?! I’m doing what I have to in order to keep the peace between our countries and to keep us both safe and alive!”

“And who the hell are you to decide things for the both of us?! Especially since you didn’t consult me about it first!” Takumi narrowed his eyes sharply at Leo. “Just out of curiosity, were you ever planning on telling me about Lilica, or were you hoping I’d learn about her some other way?! Cuz let me tell you, I did not appreciate overhearing one of your messengers tell Ryoma the _‘happy’_ news!” 

“Look, I’m sorry that you had to find out about it that way. I just-,” Leo stammered, “I just couldn’t bring myself to tell you, okay?! I really did try to! But every time I wrote out a letter to you, telling you about this… I crumbled it up and burned it.” He glanced over at his desk. It was then that Takumi noticed the remains of burnt-up paper on the floor. Those must be the burnt papers Lilica was talking about before. “I knew that once I sent it to you it would mean that our relationship was over. And I didn’t want that!”

“And yet you agreed to the courtship and I still found out about it,” Takumi jabbed spitefully crossing his arms again. When Leo didn’t respond to that, he sighed deeply. “Our relationship doesn’t have to be over you know… We can still be together if you just tell Xander! We can still figure something out! It’s not too late!”

“I already told you what would happen if we tell him!” Leo tsked in frustration, “Ugh! Why can’t you understand that there are serious consequences for us being together?!”

“Damn it Leo, I do understand!” Takumi snapped. “But I’m still willing to fight for us despite whatever those consequences are because I love you! And I wanna be with you!” He felt his body shake with anger. He took another breath to calm himself. “This isn’t the first time we’ve had to fight against all odds, you know. Both of us had the strength in the past to leave our families and join Corrin in her quest for peace. We both knew that it meant possibly being disowned or even having to fight against those we loved. But we did it anyway because we knew it was the right thing! This situation is no different!”

“Yes, it is!” Leo protested. “Back then we were fighting against a great evil that could have destroyed us all. If we didn’t face it, none of us would be here. This time we would be fighting against the Nohrian way of life. Defying it, is punishable offense!” 

“Well so was defying King Garon! But you did it!” Takumi countered angrily. “Besides, how else do you think things change? People have to _challenge_ them! If you were able to fight against the tyranny of your father’s reign, why can’t you fight for us?!”

“Because this battle would be a selfish one instead of a just one!” Leo confessed, looking down at the floor. “When we fought against my father and Anankos it was for the preservation of mankind. Challenging how Nohr deals with homosexually only benefits us.”

“That’s not true! There are probably plenty of Nohrians who are homosexual!”

Leo looked back up at him with sad eyes. “Still,” he began grimly “For that small group of people, you want to wager our lives, Xander’s crown and reputation, and our nations’ peacetime? It’s selfish to jeopardize those things for our own happiness!”

“No, it’s not!” Takumi’s voice cracked. The salty sting of tears started to burn in his eyes from being so mad. “For all we know everything could turn out fine! I have a hard time believing that our brothers would literally kill us for wanting to be together! Or that they would allow our alliance to crumble! If anything, our marriage would make the bonds between Nohr and Hoshido that much stronger! We’d be doing our people a favor!”

“Or we’d be bringing them misfortune!” Leo stated firmly. “Don’t you understand that we could both die because of this and destroy everything our kingdoms spent the past two years building?! This is a _huge_ risk Takumi!”

“You’re just being paranoid!”

“I’m not being paranoid!” Leo snapped. He took a deep breath and spoke sadly, “Look, this is the realities of royalty. As princes we have a responsibility to keep our people happy and safe, and sometimes that obligation comes at the cost of our own happiness!” His voice trailed off solemnly, “I’m sorry...”

“STOP! Just stop! I’ve heard enough!” Takumi cried out. He couldn’t take any more of this. “You’ve made it clear that you don’t love me enough to fight for us. I’m not worth the risk to you… And apparently nothing I say is going to change that!” He felt his heart breaking. He sniffled as tears rolled down his cheeks. “I’m so stupid for coming out here tonight!” He wiped his eyes, and sobbed, “I knew how dangerous it was, but I didn’t care because I had to see you. But if I had known you were gonna be such a coward, I would have stayed home!”

Leo’s eyes widened at the sight of his tears. He reached out to him. “Takumi?”

“Don’t touch me!” he seethed venomously as he shrank away from him. “You’ve lost that right now that you’ve decided to be with _her_!” He glared at Leo, heartbroken. More tears rolled down his cheeks. “Why the hell did you even bother to start a relationship with me if you knew you weren’t willing to fight for me in the end? Was I just a substitute lover for the past two and a half years until you found your bride?!”

“How could you even say that?!” Leo choked out. “I would _never_ use you like that! You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me Takumi! And it _kills_ me that I have to give you up!” His eyes became glassy with tears. “When we first got together, the thought of our relationship being a problem didn’t occur to me because we were at war! I didn’t know if either one of us were going to survive. Unfortunately, by the time I realized we couldn’t stay together it was too late! I was already deeply in love with you and I wanted it to last as long as possible.”

“Then fight for us damn it!” Takumi bawled in frustration. He wiped his eyes again and sniffled. “I don’t want to go through life knowing that we couldn’t be together just because we didn’t try!”

“You know I can’t do that,” Leo sniveled as tears rolled down his cheeks. “How many times do I have to explain this to you? Please stop making this harder than it already is!” 

“You’re the one that’s making this difficult Leo!” Takumi cried angrily. His eyes narrowed. “I’ll have you know that I’ve rejected several suitors that Ryoma has presented to me, so I could still be with you. I couldn’t live with myself if I forced myself to marry someone I didn’t really love just because society told me to! I’d rather never marry and die alone then live a lie.”

“I honestly feel the same way you do, but I have no choice Takumi! My decision is final!” Leo stated as his voice cracked. Takumi continued to glare at him as fresh tears streamed down his cheeks. He knew that there was no changing Leo’s mind, their relationship was officially over and there was nothing he could do to stop it. As badly he wanted to fight for their right to be together, he would never force Leo into taking a risk he wasn’t willing to. After a moment of silence, Leo took a deep breath to compose himself; he wiped his eyes, and choked out an apology, “I’m so sorry for having to put you through this Takumi. I really am… So, I understand if you can’t forgive me.” Leo looked at him sadly. “However, despite how either of us feel, we need to keep up public appearances and therefore, we must continue to act as though nothing romantic as ever happened between us.”

“Fine…” Takumi bit back tears. He knew why Leo was saying that they had to do this, and it didn’t surprise him either. It just hurt to hear it. “If that’s how you want it then fine! For your sake, I will try my best to continue pretending that nothing ever happened…”

“And, we also have to forget that we…” Leo swallowed hard, “That we were ever in love.”

“No! That I won’t do!” He sobbed, “It’s bad enough that your decision to court Lilica caused the end of our relationship! But now you’re asking me to forget that I love you?!”

“I don’t want to do it either, but we have to! It will make things easier for the both of us!” Leo sniffled. “It won’t hurt so badly once we learn to forget…”

He shook his head. “No!” Takumi couldn’t agree to something like that. He wouldn’t. “If you want to forget that you love me and throw away everything then fine! You can! But I won’t!” He bit back more tears and turned away from him. 

“Takumi, I’m-.”

“STOP!” he sobbed, holding his hand up to silence him. He kept his gaze averted from him. “I promised that I’d continue to act as though nothing happened and that’s all I’m doing! I will never forgive you for this! Goodbye Leo...” Without another word Takumi ran out of Leo’s study and headed to the library’s entrance. He’d been in the Nohrian library enough times to navigate it in the dark. Once he got to the entrance, he fumbled a bit with the doors and remembered that Leo had locked them. His hands shook as he unlocked the doors and pushed them open. He quickly made his way down the halls as more tears rolled down his cheeks, blinding him slightly. He sobbed as he wiped his vision clear and headed outside. It was still raining. 

Takumi quickly walked over to the stables and was greeted again by Niles. He quickly tried to compose himself. He hoped that the rain helped to hide the fact that he was crying. He sniffled and wiped his eyes again. Niles of course caught onto the fact that something was wrong. “Prince Takumi? Are you crying?”

Takumi closed his eyes and groaned, not wanting to deal with anyone right now. He bit back a sob, “Just get Akane and Fujin Yumi! I’m going home!”

Niles shook his head. “I can’t let you leave in this storm. If you wait-.”

“I’m not waiting!” he snapped cutting him off. His voice was full of sadness and anger. He couldn’t stand to be anywhere near the Nohrian castle.

Niles sighed. “I’m sorry but the answer is still no... What would milord say if I allowed his best friend to carelessly endanger himself like that? Just wait for the storm to clear up and then you can go home.”

“I don’t care about what Leo would say! I’m going home!” Takumi seethed, wiping the rain and tears from his face. He wasn’t Leo’s best friend anymore. He wasn’t Leo’s anything. As far as Leo was concerned Takumi was just another political ally now. Nothing more. Why should he be bothered with what he decided to do now that he had Lilica?

Niles’ eye widened, surprised with how upset he was getting. “Why are you in rush a rush to leave anyway? Did the two of you have a nasty fight or something?”

Takumi was not about to be pray to Niles’ prying. “Just get me what I asked for!” he demanded curtly.

Niles crossed his arms. “I can’t. You’re a prince, and whether you like it or not your safety matters. Not only would Lord Leo be cross with me if I let you leave in this storm, Hoshido wouldn’t be even more upset if something happened to you.”

Takumi’s eyes widened at Niles remark. He was the second person telling him that he was being irresponsible and not thinking about the bigger picture. He was not in the mood to be lectured to by anyone. Especially not by someone as rebellious and devious as Leo’s retainer. “Fine! Then I’ll just do it myself!” he muttered angrily. He stomped over to the stables and tried to open the door, only to find them locked. “Unlock the doors for me,” he commanded lowly.

“Excuse me?” Niles sassed him.

Takumi turned and faced Niles; his eyes narrowed at him. He yelled, “I said unlock the doors!”

Niles shook his head. “I can’t,” he stated casually. “Sorry Prince Takumi.”

“Don’t make me do this the hard way Niles,” Takumi threatened.

“Oh?” Niles grinned, amused. “And the hard way would be-?” He barley finished speaking when Takumi tackled him and pinned him to the muddy wet ground. Niles gasped, shocked by his brash behavior. “Well, I mean, I’m not used to being on bottom, but for a Prince of Hoshido I could make an exception.”

Takumi was taken back by the lewd remark. It completely threw him off guard. He instantly sat up and pushed away from the pervert beneath his legs. “What?! Oh God! No! I’m not-! This isn’t-!” he stammered as he flushed red. He was so not in the mood to be hit on right now, especially by someone like Niles! But then again because it was Niles, he should have expected this from him considering the compromising position he just put them in.

“Aww suddenly shy about this are we?” Niles jabbed playfully. “Don’t be such a tease Prince Takumi.”

“S-shut up! You know that’s not why I tackled you!” he spat regaining his composure. “Besides aren’t you married?! And don’t you know that homosexual behavior isn’t acceptable in Nohr? What would your wife say if she heard you just now or saw us like this?”

“You should know that I don’t give a crap about what’s proper or not. Besides, Nyx knows I like both men and women and that I can’t resist flirting with someone when I get the chance. Especially when they do something as naughty as this.” Niles smirked up at him. “She might punish me later if she finds out, but it’s totally worth it for that precious look on your face. You Hoshidans get flustered _way_ too easily.”

“No we don’t!” Takumi frowned. “And I don’t appreciate you flirting with me right now, so stop it!” He resumed his search for the keys. He quickly scanned Niles over to see where he was keeping them.

“Oh? Then why are you still straddling me and checking me out?” Niles questioned him, grinning. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you have a thing for me.”

Takumi took a deep frustrated breath. “I’m _not_ checking you out and I _don’t_ have a thing for you!” He finally spotted the keys on a ring on Niles’ belt. “Ah, there they are!” He grabbed them and tugged at them roughly only to find that they were firmly attached to the metal ring on his belt. Takumi cringed, knowing that Niles would have something extra lewd to say about him tugging at his belt. He was practically inviting it. Why did it have to be Niles on guard tonight?!

Just as he predicted, he heard Niles laugh below him. “And here I thought you couldn’t get any naughtier! You know that this belt is just for show right? The real prize is two layers down and a bit south from here.” His smirk grew wider. “Are you _sure_ you don’t like me? I promise I won’t tell anyone if you do.” 

Takumi immediately let go of the keys, disgusted. “Oh my god! _No!_ Just give me the damn keys Niles!” 

“Are you sure the _keys_ are all you want?” Niles teased as he looked up at him. 

“Yes, that’s all I want! Ugh! Why are you like this?!” Takumi grabbed Niles forcefully by his shirt and glared right into his eye. “Look, I don’t have time for your perverted nonsense! You _will_ remove these keys from your belt! You _will_ unlock the stable doors! And you _will_ get my kinshi and Fujin Yumi for me, so _I_ can go home! Understand?!”

“Man, you know how to take the fun out of everything. I was only messing with you.” Niles held his arms up and sighed. “Look, I’m sorry Prince Takumi but I can’t! As I said before, you are a prince and I can’t let you travel alone in a storm like this.”

“I’ll be fine!” he protested, gripping at Niles shirt tighter. “I made it here didn’t I?!”

“Yes, but that doesn’t guarantee you’ll make it back,” Niles countered. “You can keep sitting on me if you want, but I’m not giving you the keys.” Takumi stared Niles straight in his eye for a moment, but he didn’t waver. He could tell he was serious and that there was little to no chance in persuading him. There was no way to forcefully remove the keys either. He was unarmed and had nothing to cut the keys free from his belt with. And as much as Takumi hated to admit it, he was exhausted from such a long day and an emotional night. He did not have the strength to wrestle Niles for the keys, so even if he tried to fight him, he’d probably loose. Not to mention Niles was armed, so if he did somehow get the keys, he could pin him down with a couple of arrows. He let go of Niles’ shirt and got off of him. Niles’ sat up shortly after.

Takumi sat on the ground beside him and hugged his knees close. How long was he going to be forced to wait here until he could go home? His siblings would definitely notice his absence by then. This was not how any of this was supposed to turn out. Fresh tears pooled up in his eyes. He was so emotionally spent. He just wanted to go home. “Niles please…” he begged one last time. Large hot tears streamed down his cheeks. “ _Please_ don’t make me stay here!”

A moment of silence passed, and Takumi assumed that Niles had ignored his request. He began to cry quietly when he heard Niles groan. “Uggh fine! If you’re gonna cry about it then here!” Takumi looked up and saw him standing in front of him, carefully removing the key ring from his belt. He tossed it to him. 

Takumi caught the keys surprised by Niles’ sudden change of heart. “Thank you!” he sniffled. He slowly got up and went over to the stables. He unlocked the doors and went inside. He grabbed Fujin Yumi and started to guide Akane out by her reins.

“I hope you know that I’m really sticking my neck out on the line for you here,” Niles commented as he watched him.

“I know you are…” he wiped his eyes and climbed on top of Akane. He tossed the keys back to Niles. “Thank you! I owe you big time!”

“Mmhhm,” Niles drawled, catching them. “Just do me a favor and make it home safely so that I don’t regret this.”

“I will,” Takumi promised him. He motioned for Akane to take off and they flew off together into the rainy night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading my fan fiction up to this point! Before you ask, yes, it’s going to continue to be a sad and emotional ride. I’m not giving away any spoilers, so please don’t ask how it ends. If you want to know, you’ll just have to keep reading. :3
> 
> * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 
> 
> This chapter was _extremely_ difficult to write. The first draft I wrote had me tearing up. Once I got my ideas out, I was able to tweak it and make it as painful as I intended it to be. It took several rewrites and major edits in order to get it right. Interestingly enough while I was planning out this part in my head, the song “Us,” by Celine Dion popped up on my iPod while I was driving. It fits this scenario so well.
> 
> I also realized that maybe it was kinda mean to end this chapter on such a heavy note considering that this is a very emotional story, so I gifted you guys with a small humorous end scene with Niles. I thank my best friend Nicki for channeling her inner Niles to help me with his dialogue. After working on such an intense part, I wasn’t feeling his character.
> 
> Additionally, when I was originally coming up with the basic idea for this story, I considered for a moment to have Takumi sneak into the castle and go undercover as a maid to see what was going on. He would have been Lilica’s servant and his undercover name would have been Tanya. That idea lasted for about 10 minutes until I realized how ridiculous it was and how it didn’t really fit the vibe of the story. Plus, how would he pull that off without anyone finding out about their relationship? He wouldn’t have been able to. Hence why this idea was shelved but you guys can enjoy the thought of it.
> 
> * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 
> 
> As promised at the end of chapter 3 here are notes on how ancient Europe handled homosexuality:
> 
> In European countries how, homosexuality was dealt with varied from situation to situation. Some royals were able to be with the ones they loved behind the scenes of their political marriage and others were humiliated and shamed terribly for their actions. One prince was put to death in a gruesome way. It also appeared that the laws were much harsher on the commoners than the royals. Everyday people were usually horribly maimed as a warning before being killed if they continued their homosexual behavior. I guess the princes and princess got a little more of a break since the community wanted to avoid a scandal?
> 
> (I can’t seem to find this one source I looked at a while ago that went more in depth about particular European royals. I’m mad I didn’t bookmark it.)
> 
> Here are links to the sources I looked at (minus that one):  
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_people_executed_for_homosexuality  
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_LGBT_history_in_the_United_Kingdom  
> http://www.galva108.org/single-post/2014/05/08/A-Timeline-of-Gay-World-History  
> https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/homosexuality/  
> https://doinghistoryinpublic.org/2016/02/18/in-their-reckless-lust-they-forget-their-sex-lgbt-history-in-the-middle-ages/ 
> 
>  
> 
> Anyway, for the sake of this story, I’m making it that in Nohr homosexuality is something that is socially unacceptable. Not illegal. So, when someone gets found out, the punishment will vary based on that person’s social status. Either way it will be extremely shameful for them and their families. It’s basically social and political suicide. It’s seen as very scandalous and icky.
> 
> Again, thanks for reading my fan fiction! There is more to come so stay tuned!


	5. The Crisis

Takumi couldn’t fight back the emotions that were welling up inside of him as he distanced himself from Castle Krakenburg. The tears that sprung from his eyes were washed away painfully by the rain that pelted him in the face. The combination of rain and tears blinded him making it difficult to navigate through the storm. But Takumi didn’t care. He needed to be as far away from Leo as possible. He needed to get out of Nohr. He knew he couldn’t handle the sight of _anyone_ or _anything_ remotely Nohrian right now. Just being in Nohr hurt. He wanted to go home. 

He wished that this whole mess was just another one of his convoluted nightmares, and that he’d wake up in his own bed or next to Leo and that everything would be as it was. But the weight he felt on his heart told him that this was real. Reality had not been harsher than Takumi’s worst dreams in some time. A large portion of his happiness had been taken from him, just like that. And he had no control over it. 

Leo chose to be with a Nohrian woman because he was afraid of what would happen if Nohr discovered they were both homosexuals. He was so convinced that their relationship was going to be the death of him and the falling out of their two nations. Leo wasn’t willing to let their love overcome his worst fears. He wasn’t even willing to try. And to make matters worse, he indirectly accused Takumi of being selfish for wanting to fight for their love. 

It wasn’t like Takumi didn’t understand why Leo was scared. He knew that it would be risky and terrifying, but he wasn’t going to let that stop him from trying. He loved Leo too much and whether it was a selfish desire or not, he was willing to pay any price to be with him. Leo was not. And the realization of this burned deep, like a red-hot blade through his heart.

The rain drowned out Takumi’s cries to the sleeping towns below as he soared through the sky. “How could you do this to me Leo?” he wept clinging onto Akane’s reigns tighter. “How could you?! I just wanted to be with you… Is that so wrong?!” His body shivered as he took a shaky breath. He sobbed quietly, “Is this what I get after loving you for all this time?” Takumi wiped his eyes and tried to clear his vision. He took a deep breath to calm himself so that he could keep steering. He tried to push all thoughts about Leo out of his mind, but he couldn’t do it. 

How could he not think about him right now? 

Everything had changed because of him. Takumi was now being forced to live a life full of lies and secrets he no longer wished to keep. Sure, he still had to keep everything hidden prior to tonight, so _technically_ he was still living a lie. But it was different then because he still got to be with Leo. But now… Now he still had to pretend that they were the best of friends and that nothing romantic was happening between them. But, this time, he wasn’t the one who got to be with Leo. Lilica was. And what was the point of keeping up this charade if it left him heartbroken and alone? 

Takumi wondered how he was supposed to do this. What if he slipped up somehow and couldn’t keep it together the next time, he saw Leo? What if his siblings or retainers caught him in a moment of weakness and he accidently told them everything? What if they overheard everything while he thought he was crying alone? What if they found the secret stash of Leo’s love letters, he had hidden under the floor boards in his bedroom closet? There were so many ways that he could mess this up. He feared that he wouldn’t be strong enough to handle this alone. 

At the end of the day though, Leo wasn’t going to be alone. He had Lilica, even if he wasn’t in love her. The two seemed like they got along from the little bit Takumi had witnessed. Even if Leo didn’t love her, they would have a marriage based on friendship. He would probably learn to love her in time anyway. Most arranged marriages worked out that way.

Leo wasn’t going be lonely.

Takumi was.

Takumi had to return home to a place where he was the only person who was unmarried and had no children. Sure, he had his siblings and his retainers, but they all had their own families to attend to. He was no longer their immediate family or their priority. This fact made him feel so alone. Being with Leo helped him deal with this pain because when he was with him, he felt loved. He felt complete. He felt needed. He had someone to share his life with, and even though they weren’t able to get married or have children, it was ok because their love was enough. Just knowing that every so often he’d get to lay with the man he loved and hold him close was enough. 

But now it was over.

Fresh tears pooled into his eyes. Takumi didn’t want to be with anyone else. He felt as though Leo had just indirectly sentenced him to a life of loneliness with his decision to be with Lilica. He cried loudly as he hopelessly tried to wipe his vision clear with his wet hand. “Why is that I always end up alone? Why?!” He buried his face into Akane’s feathers. He sobbed, “I hate this! I hate everything…” Akane started to anxiously dart through the sky as her master’s attention to guiding her faded. She could sense that he was an emotional wreck and was starting to freak out. Feeling her start to fly aimlessly in a panic, snapped Takumi out of his thoughts and back into reality. 

“Aaah!” he gasped as she flew out of control. He clung onto her reins tightly as he tried to calm her. “I’m sorry Akane! I’m sorry!” he sniffled trying to compose himself. “I need to keep focused or that’s it for the both of us.” Takumi took a deep breath. He knew that if he was going to keep going that he needed to be calm. Now was not the time to cry over this. He needed to focus on flying so he could make it home. He could cry then. Otherwise if he’d be forced to stop, thus delaying his time home which was something he could not afford to do. 

He wiped his eyes and looked below to see where they had flown off to. As he peered down below, he wasn’t quite sure where they had ended up. He wondered if the winds from the storm blew them southward. If that was the case, the trip home would be that much longer. Takumi frowned. He didn’t have time for this. He needed to get them back onto the fastest route possible. But how could he do that if he couldn’t exactly see where he was heading? He knew he didn’t have time to land somewhere and wait until it was clear to figure all that out. He’d be caught for sure if he did. “So long as there is no lightening and I can maintain a somewhat level head, we can carry on,” Takumi told himself sternly. His voice cracked as he shivered, “We have to…” He continued to press on into the night hoping that he’d come across the mountain range that housed the Bottomless Canyon in its crevasses. That landmark was hard to miss, even in horrible weather like this.

As Takumi flew on, his thoughts went back to Leo and he began to wonder what his next encounter with him would be like. He knew it was going to be very painful and incredibly awkward. It was going to be a difficult task to keep a straight face and act like tonight never happened. Impossible really… Not to mention that it the next time they did meet, Lilica would probably be there too. They were a couple now after all. Takumi wished that he didn’t have to see Leo again, but he knew he would eventually have to because the two of them were involved in international affairs between Hoshido and Nohr. They volunteered for that position during early peacetime so they would have more opportunities to see one another. He never imagined he’d regret that decision. 

Takumi always liked his job, but now he was thinking that when he got back, he might want to ask Ryoma for a change in position. Maybe one that was purely on internal affairs? There was no way he could handle working with Leo and Lilica together when he had no one else there with him on behalf of Hoshido. But if he did do that, there would be questioning as to why he suddenly wanted to leave his current job. He would have to come up with a story that justified the change while keeping the truth hidden. And he knew he wasn’t a good liar, so that wasn’t going to happen. Takumi sighed. It looked like he was going to be stuck in that position now. 

Great.

This whole situation would have hurt much less if Leo didn’t love him anymore and chose to court Lilica because he had found someone new. Sure, Takumi would have still been heartbroken and angry with him, but he wouldn’t have to live with the pain of knowing that they could have been together like he had to now. But no, Leo still loved him. He told him he did, and yet he agreed to court Lilica in spite of that. 

He hated this. He hated _everything_ about this. If they were allowed to be together, their marriage could symbolize the ultimate union between Hoshido and Nohr since none of the other royals chose to marry someone from the other kingdom. Not to mention that none of their siblings had to deal with an arranged marriage, so why did Leo? They all got to choose who they wanted to be with, and they were all in love with the people they married! The only thing preventing them from being together was the fact that they were both men. If one of them were a woman there would be no issues. In fact, their union would be highly celebrated!

“Maybe if one of us were a commoner we could have gotten away with playing the part of a woman,” he joked pitifully to himself. Takumi wiped the rain off of his face and moved his wet hair away from his eyes. He sniveled, “Although now that I think about it, that wouldn’t have worked, because we would have still been expected to have kids... _Unless_ we decided to adopt from Camilla’s orphanage. That might have actually worked, provided no one ever found out one of us was a man.” He sighed sadly and looked ahead. “It doesn’t matter now anyway…” He stopped thinking aloud for a moment and frowned. He realized that he should have seen the mountain range that marked the border between Hoshido and Nohr by now. 

Why hadn’t he come across it yet?!

Panic began to set in. “Are we lost?!” he asked himself. He did not have time or the stamina for this. Takumi looked all around him and tried to get a sense of his bearings but couldn’t see anything that resembled a land marker. He knew that mountain range would be hard to miss and the fact that he hadn’t come across it yet meant that they definitely flew off course. The wind picked up causing the rain to pelt on them harder. The droplets felt like tiny rocks trying to embed their way into his face. “Augh!” he winced, shielding himself the best he could with his arm. His body shivered as he tried to maintain a steady course, he was freezing from being out in this storm all night. He didn’t know how much longer he could keep this up.

The situation wasn’t looking good. For all he knew they could be flying back towards Castle Krakenburg. He pulled out Fujin Yumi and lit up the bowstring hoping that it would provide some sort of light to help him figure out where they had flown off to. He formed an arrow and drew back the string, he shot it straight ahead and watched it light up the sky in front of him and then slowly dissolve into the rain. Takumi frowned. His teeth started to chatter a bit. “Well that didn’t help! I still can’t see anything, I don’t know where we are, and for all I know I just gave away our position… Great!”

He undid the string on his bow and motioned for Akane to fly lower. This time he wasn’t going to shoot off any arrows. He would just use Fujin Yumi as a light source once they got low enough. When they were about 100 feet from the ground, Takumi carefully leaned over to the right and reformed the string on his bow. Using his thighs to secure himself firmly onto Akane’s back, he squeezed her reigns tightly with his left hand as he held Fujin Yumi below him with his right. He looked down at the ground and saw what looked like a vast endless forest. The only place that he knew of that was like this was the Woods of the Forlorn. If that was where they ended up, then they most definitely flew off course.

“Ugh, damn it!” Takumi cursed to himself. The Woods of the Forlorn were huge, he didn’t know what part they were above or which direction they were flying in. He knew he needed to stop whether he liked it or not. There was no point in wasting energy if he didn’t know where they were going. Plus, he was exhausted. His mind and body were begging him for a break. Thankfully though since the war had ended, this place wasn’t that dangerous anymore. All the Faceless were long gone, so it was an ordinary forest again. Since it was raining heavily, no animals would be out that could pose any threats to him, so this would be a good place to rest until the storm passed. 

Takumi quickly landed in the forest beneath them. Once they were shielded from the rain, he was able to get a better look at the sky without being blinded. Unfortunately, since it was so dark, he couldn’t tell which direction the storm was moving. He prayed he wouldn’t be stuck here for too long, he needed to get home. 

The sky suddenly lit up with lightening followed by a loud snap of thunder casing the ground and trees to shake around them. This startled Akane. She reared up, and flapped her wings, knocking Takumi off her. “Aaah!” he gasped as he was thrown to the wet ground, dropping Fujin Yumi. He landed back first causing the wind to get knocked out of him. He laid there for a moment to catch his breath. Thankfully Akane seemed calm down after she realized there was no threat. Takumi winced, “Aaugh! Ow!” He sat up slowly and frowned at her. He was annoyed at what just happened but very glad that she didn’t take off on him. That would have been _really_ bad. 

It seemed that the thunderstorm wasn’t over yet. Takumi was relieved that they were already safely on the ground. He picked up Fujin Yumi and carefully stood up. He went over to Akane and took out whatever remaining food rations he had packed for her. He set them on the ground in front of her. She didn’t seem to mind that they were wet since she started to eat right away. While she ate, Takumi sat up against a tree. He wiped his wet hair out of his face and rubbed his eyes. He sighed and stared blankly ahead at the wet forest. 

Another bolt of lightning danced across the sky and was accompanied by a loud boom. Rain started to come down heavy and drench everything in its path. The rain soaked through Takumi’s hair and his clothes again until they could hold no more. His silvery-blonde bangs stuck to the front of his face and covered his eyes. He hugged his knees to his chest and shivered. 

He _hated_ this.

Here he was freezing his ass off in the rain, while Leo was probably sharing his warm dry bed with that Nohrian bitch. Fresh tears pooled up in his amber eyes. “I guess this is what I get for wanting to be with the man I love,” Takumi choked up. “This must be the divine dragon’s way of telling me that I was wrong… Maybe we aren’t meant to be together after all!” 

The more Takumi thought about it the more he realized that maybe Leo was right. Leo knew the Nohrian people better than he ever would being their prince and all. He wondered if he would he have made the same choices if he had the same upbringing. Would he feel the same way he did now? Would he still be willing to risk it all? Takumi didn’t know... It was probably better that it was this way, though. Maybe Leo knew that he would try to talk him out of going through with what had to be done, and that’s why he decided to act without telling him first. Leo seemed like he was at odds with himself for his choice, so if Takumi tried to push him into changing his mind before the decision had been made, they would probably be facing the political nightmare Leo described. 

Takumi also wondered how his family and his people would have reacted to all this. Would they have openly accepted his homosexuality? He never told anyone back home that he liked men. He knew that he wouldn’t be banished or executed for it like Leo might be, since there were plenty of warriors and monks who practiced wakashudo. But he’d probably face some sort of problem since he’s royalty. Takumi wondered if he’d be blamed for the political scandal if what Leo feared came to pass. Would he be seen as the main cause of the destruction of their alliance with Nohr? If that did happen, he would be expected to commit seppuku to redeem the honor of his country and his family. Well… he’d have to somehow survive the scandalous court hearing in Nohr first before committing ritual suicide. Either way, it seemed that this situation would ultimately be the death of him as well. 

“Looks like we would have both ended up dead huh Leo...” Takumi muttered sadly to himself. He hugged his knees closer to his chest. “Hopefully I won’t die out here from freezing my ass off.” He shivered and burred his face in his knees. He whimpered, “It’s fucking cold!” The rain didn’t seem like it was going to be letting up anytime soon. Takumi sighed with a dreadful feeling that he’d probably be here until morning. Thunder cracked loudly above him, as he tried to make himself more comfortable. He curled his body in as tightly as he could to maintain some sort of warmth and closed his eyes. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

Dawn started to break through the wet forest, and all the trees and leaves sparkled in the early morning light. Takumi woke up when the sun’s rays started to peek through the trees. He wiped the rain from his face and yawned. He stared blankly at his surroundings now that he was able to see them. He glanced over at Akane and saw she was curled up beside him, asleep. At least she appeared to be comfortable given the current circumstances. As he was looking at her, it slowly hit him that if he could see her clearly that meant that there was daylight, which meant it was morning… And he wasn’t back home yet…

“Shit!” Takumi cursed to himself as his eyes widened in realization. He didn’t have much time until the castle staff woke up and his absence would be noticed. He needed to get back before his family freaked out. He prayed that his sisters and retainers would sleep in today. “Shit, shit, shit! Wake up!” Takumi smacked himself awake and quickly stood up. As he lifted his arms up and stretched, he suddenly winced in pain. “Uuuggh ow!” He put his hands on his lower back. “I shouldn’t have slept like that for so long… Ow! Ow! Augh…” While he was rubbing his back, he realized that his lower back, legs, and butt were covered in mud. He also noticed that he had leaves, dirt, and tree sap in his hair. He was soaked, filthy, and probably smelled awful.

Great.

Takumi could already hear Oboro yelling at him for getting his armor and uniform this dirty. It’s not like he didn’t have extra ones in storage and at least they were stained with dirt instead of blood. Plus, with the war being over he didn’t really have a need for his armor and uniform to be clean and ready in a hurry. Besides, it’s nothing a through soaking and wash couldn’t fix? Right?

Takumi picked up Fujin Yumi and went over to Akane. He ran his fingers through her feathers and pat her gently. “Akane? I need you to get up now. We’re going home.” She woke up at his touch and got up. She shook out her feathers and splattered her master with the water and dirt that they collected. Takumi held up his arms to shield himself as the front of his clothes and Fujin Yumi got covered in mud. “Hey!” He frowned. “Not cool!” He tried to shake off whatever mud he could and sighed. It didn’t really make much of a difference. He grabbed her reins. “C’mon Akane, let’s figure out where we are so we can go home. We already wasted too much time here.”

As soon as Takumi mounted Akane’s back his stomach growled loudly. He realized that he hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday. Traveling throughout the night and having an emotional breakdown did not help him conserve any energy. Also how did he manage to forget to bring food for himself when he remembered to pack some for Akane? As he ruminated briefly on his stupid mistake, a drop of water fell onto his nose. It began to rain lightly. “Uggh! Stop with the rain already!” Takumi yelled up at the sky. “I just wanna go home!” 

Since it was raining the chances of there being any small prey put were slim. Plus, he didn’t have time to hunt for food if he still had any hope left of making it back home before everyone was up. He sighed deeply and muttered to himself, “Looks like I’ll have to wait until I’m back home to eat something.” His stomach growled again in protest of his decision. Takumi smacked his abdomen as if it would make his hunger go away. He yawned groggily and motioned for Akane to take off. They were going to have to fly at top speed if he had any chance left at making it back unnoticed.

* * *

As Takumi flew closer to the Port Town of Dia, he could see large groups of merchants and travelers camping out throughout the city. It looked as though they were all waiting in line to catch the ferry that traveled between Nestra, Nohr, Mokushu, and Hoshido. This ferry system had been set in place long before the war, in fact the army used it once, to get from Mokushu to Cyrkensia. It was not known for being behind schedule, so why were there so many people waiting for it to come now? Something wasn’t right.

Takumi had a bad feeling about this, but as a prince of Hoshido it was his responsibility to take care of these things. This ferry traveled between boarders and since he was involved with international affairs, it was his royal duty to investigate it. Even if it meant blowing his cover. Takumi sighed and landed near a group of village women at the end of the line to inquire about the situation. 

He remained atop Akane’s back as he addressed the women. “Excuse me?” Takumi called out. The small group of women turned to face him. “Could you tell me what’s going on here? Is there something wrong with the ferry? Why are you all waiting out here?” he asked.

A middle-aged women responded, “I’m surprised you don’t know young warrior. I thought all the soldiers were lookin’. They say that the Hoshidan Prince Takumi has gone missin’. The Hoshidan army won’t let none of us board till they find him.”

“What?!” Takumi exclaimed as his eyes widened in shock. _‘They know I’m gone?!’_ he thought. _‘Then… then this is all my fault… How long have they known?’_ He tried to compose himself as he pressed further, “H-How long have they been looking?”

“Since last night,” she answered.

“Since last night?!” Takumi repeated in disbelief. These poor people have been standing out here in this stormy weather for hours because of him. He didn’t mean to be gone all night or cause any problems. Someone must have seen him leave last night if they’ve been searching for him for this long. Looks like he was caught long before he even made it to Nohr.

A younger woman continued to explain, “They’s callin’ it an international crisis. So, if yer planning on going to Hoshido, Izumo, or Mokushu, yer gonna hafta wait in line like the rest of us here.” She gazed out at the various merchants and travelers. “Some of us have been standin’ here all night. I hope they find the prince soon.” She looked back at Takumi. “People have been gett’n real restless. I’m shocked no one’s started a riot yet or got hurt over all this.”

Takumi took a deep breath. “Don’t worry, you won’t have to wait for much longer,” he assured them. “I will take care of this.”

He turned to leave but the young woman called out to him, “Wait! They might not let you cross over even if yer a Hoshidan solider!”

Takumi stopped. “Yes, but I’m no ordinary soldier,” he explained looking back at them. “Trust me.”

“Now wait just a minute here,” the oldest woman spoke up, studying his appearance. “If you didn’t know about the missin’ prince and you look and smell like you’ve been wrestlin’ in the mud with pigs…” Her eyes moved from his outfit over to Fujin Yumi. She pointed at it. “And you got that divine bow.”

“Yer Prince Takumi, aren’t you?!” the young woman blurted out, understanding what the old woman was getting at. The travelers around them turn their heads to look at them once they overheard what she said. They started to gossip amongst themselves and agreed that he resembled the missing prince and how his bow looked like the divine weapon Fujin Yumi. Word spread fast amongst the people waiting in town at the possibility that the prince might have been found.

Takumi tensed up as more eyes fell on him. “Well, yes I am…” he confessed uneasily. “You see-”

“You got some nerve makin’ us all wait around here!” the middle-aged woman snapped at him. She frowned. “Do you think that just cuz yer royalty that you can do whatever you want, and it don’t effect no one else?!” This was the third time now he was being told he had no consideration for his people and how his actions affected them. First it was Leo, then Niles, and now this village woman. How many more people were going to accuse him of this before he made it home? He did think about others. He wasn’t selfish.

Takumi sighed. “Look, I’m sorry for the inconvenience this caused you all. Once I speak to the soldiers, they’ll let you board. Ok?” He took off and headed towards the docks. As he got closer, he could hear two people trying to argue their way past security so they could board. Two of the soldiers standing guard sounded kind of familiar, was that Silas and Rinkah?

“Please everyone, please try to remain calm,” Silas pleaded. “I know it’s been a long night, but we need you to cooperate with us.”

“The time for being calm has passed!” a monk protested. “Patients are waiting for the medical supplies I have! Do you want innocent people to suffer or possibly die if I don’t deliver these on time? You must get these ferries going!”

Silas stood in his way. He sounded distressed about not being able to help. “Look I’m sorry! I understand your urgency, I _really_ do! But we can’t reopen the ferries. As per King Xander and King Ryoma’s orders no one is going anywhere until Prince Takumi has returned.”

“I get that,” a female farmer complained. “But the rest of us have our livelihoods to worry about! I’m already several hours behind schedule and my produce won’t stay fresh forever! Who knows how long it will be until they find him!”

“Are you both suggesting that the safety of the prince is not important?” Rinkah barked angrily, clearly reaching her limit with these people.

“Hey! I’m right here!” Takumi shouted from above, grateful he got there before anything violent happened. “Let them go already.” As he landed beside them, he grumbled to himself, “Honestly, did Ryoma have to turn this into an international crisis?!”

Rinkah backed off, eyes wide in surprise. “Prince Takumi?!”

“Prince Takumi!” Silas exclaimed as he rushed over to him. “Where have you been? Everyone’s been looking all over for you!” He stared at him for a second before adding, “You look like you’ve been through something terrible… Are you ok? You’re not injured, are you?”

“I’m fine!” Takumi crossed his arms, annoyed. “Now let get these ferries running! These people have been delayed long enough.”

“I-I’m afraid we can’t do that yet until we get formal permission from King Xander or King Ryoma…” Silas sighed. He turned to Rinkah “Get someone to send word to King Ryoma and King Xander that the prince has returned.”

Rinkah nodded glancing over at Takumi. She folded her arms looking rather irritated. “I don’t know what possessed you to run off like that cause an international crisis, but I’m glad you’re back Prince Takumi. Do us all a favor though, and never do it again, otherwise you’re gonna regret it.” Without another word, she ran off. 

Silas looked back at Takumi. “Prince Takumi if you wait a moment, we can arrange an escort to guide you home.”

Takumi frowned. Despite how annoyed he was he respectfully declined the offer, “That won’t be necessary. I am more than capable of getting myself home.” He was about to instruct Akane to take off but was stopped when Silas moved in front of him. 

“Wait! We can’t allow you to travel unguarded! It won’t take long.” Silas protested. Takumi ignored him and took off. “Prince Takumi! Hey!” he shouted. “Wait!”

Takumi soared high into the sky and sighed. This was turning into an international nightmare before he even had the chance to go home and deal with it. He knew that he owed the people an explanation for his absence. What was he going to say to them? Takumi’s stomach gurgled taking his mind of that for a moment. He was much too exhausted and hungry to be dealing with all this now. He could always come up with an excuse for his absence later when he was home, fed and rested. Getting back was the priority right now. However, he had sinking feeling that when he got home his family would be there waiting anxiously for his return.

* * *

Once Castle Shirasagi came into view, Takumi began to dread the earful he knew was going to get from his siblings. How many times was he supposed to hear about this today? He yawned and shivered. The trip home turned out to be a lot longer than expected, but he made it. As he got close enough to land, Takumi saw that his sisters and his retainers were waiting for him below just as he anticipated they’d be. He groaned inwardly. He did not want to deal with them right now. He just wanted to go inside, take a quick bath, change out of his filthy clothes, and try to get some sleep. Eating would have to wait until later at this point. His stomach growled once again in protest of this decision.

“What the hell is the matter with you Takumi?!” Hinoka scolded, running over to her brother as he glided down to the ground. She folded her arms angrily. “You had us all worried sick! What were you thinking traveling out there alone like that without telling anyone?! Are you crazy?!”

Hinoka’s yelling was giving Takumi a headache. He grumbled in response and looked over at her. He hadn’t seen that crazed worried look in her eyes since Corrin was kidnapped. Her hair was all disheveled and her eyes had bags under them. Takumi wondered if she had been up all night looking for him. He dismounted Akane and shivered. “Look, I know it wasn’t the best idea, but I’m fine.” Takumi tried to walk but ended up wobbling instead. He leaned on his kinshi for support and groaned in annoyance with how exhausted he was.

Sakura gasped in concern. “You’re not fine!” She sounded very congested from her cold. She started to rush over to him but stopped suddenly to sneeze. “Aaachoo! Ugh!” Her eyes also had bags under them, and she was wearing a cloth mask to cover her mouth. Was she up all night too?! Takumi frowned. She should have been resting so she could recover from her cold instead of wasting her time looking for him. Sakura sniffled, “You’re covered in mud, you’re shivering… and you can barely stand!”

“Why didn’t you at least take one of us with you Lord Takumi?” Oboro asked as she walked over to him. From the quick glance Takumi took at her he gathered she jumped right out of bed the moment she learned he was missing. Oboro normally spent a long time making sure she looked presentable. This morning however, she looked ragged and exhausted. Her eyes saddened as she made eye contact with him. “It’s our job to protect you!”

Takumi ignored her and used whatever stamina he had left to try and put his kinshi back in the stables. He just wanted to go to bed. If he wasted any energy trying to reason them, he might not make it there himself. Plus, there was a chance he’d snap and say something he’d regret. He stumbled as tried to guide Akane. “Nngh!”

Hinata rushed to his liege’s side and helped him stand. “At least let us help you with this!” he insisted. He supported Takumi’s weight and took the reins from him. “Oboro, can you put her in the stables please?” He held them out to her. 

Oboro nodded as she took them. “Take him inside so we can get him cleaned up. I’ll meet you guys at the bath.” She began to guide Akane back into the stables.

Takumi frowned and pushed away from Hinata. He didn’t miss the hurt look in his retainer’s eyes though as he distanced himself. Like the others, Hinata looked like he was a mess as well. But in the moment though, Takumi didn’t care how exhausted or concerned everyone was with him. He just needed to get inside. He knew deep down they had his best interests at heart, but right now, he didn’t want anyone’s help. Takumi wrapped his arms around himself, shivering. “I’m fine! I can walk there myself!” 

“Enough Takumi! Stop being so stubborn and selfish!” Hinoka snapped. “All of us spent hours looking for you because _you_ decided to run off alone in the middle of the night! We’re helping you whether you like it or not!”

Hinoka grabbed at him, but Takumi shrank away before she could get a hold of him. He turned around and glared angrily at her. “I am _not_ selfish!” he spat. He was so sick of be accused of being selfish. She was the fourth person to call him that in less than 24 hours. “And I don’t need your help! I didn’t ask for anyone’s help!” Why couldn’t they understand that just he wanted to be alone and go to bed? 

Takumi started to walk slowly to the castle. His body was heavy with each step. He felt himself start to go weak in the knees. His head was pounding. As he got to the doorway his vision became tunneled and his body swayed. He heard the muffled voices of his sisters and retainers calling out to him as everything faded to black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading my fan fiction up to this point! Before you ask, yes, it’s going to continue to be a sad and emotional ride. I’m not giving away any spoilers, so please don’t ask how it ends. If you want to know, you’ll just have to keep reading. :3
> 
> * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 
> 
> Originally, chapter 5 was going to begin with him arriving in Hoshido the next morning. I wasn’t planning on showing Takumi’s sorrow after the breakup, so when I decided to add it, it threw everything off and I had to make sure the previous and future chapters worked well with it. The reason I put this part in was because I felt that Takumi really get time to grieve about his breakup with Leo or rather that the readers didn’t get to experience his mourning. Then while I was writing this chapter I decided to throw in the part about the border since that seemed like something that would happen once Takumi’s siblings figured out he went missing. I mean he is a prince and it is an international crisis when someone of his status goes missing right? Poor Takumi... He can’t seem to catch a break, can he?


End file.
